It is May 28th. And it is our 4th wedding anniversary.

HOORAY! HOORAY!

Being married for four years, I feel like we’re too old to be considered newlyweds but too young to be called a seasoned married couple either.  So when you are in that awkward period of your marriage, you really don’t know what to do for your wedding anniversary that will make it stand out from all the other wedding anniversaries to come.

For one, celebrating anniversaries when you have kids is an effort. I mean, it should be REALLY intentional and both of you should want it so bad that come hail or high water, the celebration pushes through.

Also, when you enjoy each other’s company everyday, a date at the nearby convenience store, alone together {oh hey, an oxymoron!}, is enough. IMO, you can really do without the fancy anniversary celebrations—but yeah, you need to have those once in a while just to kick up the spice meter.

And then there’s the pressure {or it could just be in my head} of outdoing the celebration of each year for the rest of your married life. Thinking about it just makes me anxious already.

That said, we actually didn’t plan anything elaborate for our 4th year anniversary. But it doesn’t mean we did not celebrate.

You see, my husband is not very showy—except when he wants to be cute, then he is, albeit annoyingly. It is good he is blessed with good looks so he mostly gets away with it. So during dinner {this is the eve of our anniversary}, while on a staff and family outing in Batangas with his new colleagues; he gets up, takes the mic {there was some videoke going on} and gives an impromptu speech professing his undying love. And I just wanted to sing a duet.

My husband knows I hate public declarations of love. I  mean when done online, yeah, that’s still fairly acceptable—but in front of a group or a crowd {gasp!}, I’m not so much a fan. Which explains why he proposed quietly to me on top of a lighthouse, with only one accomplice and the clouds as his witnesses. Now, that one was sweet. Hee!

But I guess that’s just what marriage does to you. It changes your preferences and expands your perspective. Not to overshadow your identity, definitely. But now that you finally have someone you can utterly expose yourself to and accepts your thoughts, personality and even your quirks, you learn to adjust and let these things be, without being so much affected by it. So suddenly, what you consider preposterous such as “profess thy love” in front of many, has become charming.

There are tons of other things that being married to this man has done to me. But all for the good. Well, it doesn’t mean our marriage is all sunny and bright. There are challenging valleys {some we are still weathering through together} and not so sweet moments {especially when our exhaustion lets out our inner tigers}, of course. Yet, who I have become today is mostly because of how he has led me as a wife.

Let me remind you though, he is not the most ideal of a husband. I can always find so many things that he should be or what he must do. However, marriage is not taking. It is quite contrary. So if your idea of marriage is to finally find someone who will love and care for you and make you happy for the rest of your life, then my dear, you are mistaken.

Marriage, as I have discovered four years in, is really an unconditional and selfless commitment. If you expect to be served, you have to serve first. If you want to be understood, you need to listen first. If you need something, you give first. Your spouse’s needs over yours. Even if it is inconvenient. Regardless if he/she deserves it or not.

I realized marriage is a mirror too. When I find fault in my husband, truth is, the fault is in me too. Who he is as a husband to me is reflective of who I am as a wife to him. Makes sense?

As a wife, I have learned to be the student of my husband. The length of time we have known each other prior to our marriage doesn’t mean I know him full well. And who he was then, is not the same man he is now. Even if I have him all figured out today, he won’t be the same guy in 5 to 10 years. It helps me actually, especially when I’m so angry and he is really not my most favorite person in the world. I just remind myself that this man in front of me can be a better man, I just need to give him time and to love him more.

Getting into arguments with him has also sharpened me in sooooooo many ways! It is in disagreements that my love for him is tested. And so far, my love is steadfast. Haha! All the cutesy patootie love has melted away. And what remained is the kind that loves even when it is painful or difficult.

“What a journey it has been, and the end is not in sight.

But the stars are out tonight, and they’re bound to guide my way.

When they’re shining in my life, I can see a better day.

I won’t let the darkness in, what a journey it has been.”

~The Journey by Lea Salonga

The words we sang that night. The same song we sang together one year before he proposed. It meant more to me now, being married to him for four years and with two little kids.

We did not celebrate with all the fancy stuff for our fourth year. But after that dinner, we quietly walked back to our casita with our two sleeping boys, holding hands looking at the night sky. We capped our evening with an earnest prayer that God would renew our love each day for the next years to come.

This is the kind of fourth year anniversary that I will remember for the rest of our married life. Quiet, meaningful, and real.

So let me celebrate the man who has made me the woman I am today. Daniel, happy fourth anniversary! It has been quite an adventure and there’s no other man I’d enjoy this lifetime with, than you. I love you!