I’ve always wondered what I am good at. Until now, I am not sure where particularly my innate abilities lean to. I feel like I’ve never really graduated from this predicament since I was in my teens. It seems I’m still trying to find my niche in the world. And sometimes it depresses me.

I believe I have a talent unique only to me. A God-given flair that can contribute to the good of mankind. However, I’m struggling to really pinpoint what exactly it is. Or maybe I have but I can’t really name it yet.

When I’d rant to my husband about this feeling of inadequacy, he would always remind me how smart and talented I am. Then he would start suggesting avenues where I can express my “giftings” and just be out in the open. But when I start to consider them, a chunk of my melancholy side would emerge and start to over-analyze things and leave me unconfident of what I can do. So you see the dilemma.

Let’s use this blog for example. When I began blogging it was just “write-your-heart-out” kind of blog. Yet blogging have changed over the years, and my style of “must-release-angst-mush-and-gush” posts are rendered immature and feels like a waste of cyberspace. Today you need to have something worthwhile to read. Things that would educate, inspire and motivate people. Thankfully I was entering a new chapter in my life, so I had something new about me to share. Hence, the theme of this blog. But then again, do we need another wife/motherhood blog?

So what am I really saying? I’m getting there shortly.

If anything, I realized after much pondering how easily I can influence people with what I say or do. I hope I do not jinx it now that I’ve said it out loud. I noticed how effortlessly I could convince somebody to try this and that and they would. And I do not mean manipulation. I actually do not do it deliberately most of the time, so it must be intrinsic to me. Let’s see, there’s…

• Cloth Diaper. Long before I was pregnant, I am convinced that I will not use disposable diapers because I care for creation like that. So I have decided to go cloth all the way. And so I researched about how to use “lampin” to refresh my knowledge from long ago and came across the modern cloth diaper. I was so happy! I used cloth diaper on Ziki since he was 3 weeks old and exclusively cloth diapered him when he was 3 months old. I found it enjoyable and so I told my other friends about it. I did not really coax them into doing it but some of my friends are into cloth diapering now.

• Babies in church. My husband and I, together with his family, go to VCF Caloocan. During my pregnancy, I never really noticed much infants in the congregation. Of course when Ziki arrived, he came with us to church. We would sit at the back where there’s a “parking space” for the stroller or sometimes I would stand every now and then, swaying my son in our K’tan while I listen to the message. Only when I began bringing Ziki along did I observe the number of parents with infants increase in church. They would also, from time to time, stand at the back and sway their little ones without being distracted from listening to the pastor’s preaching. The parents with little babies begin to grow that I had to motion to my husband to suggest to the church administration to allot a portion exclusively for us (especially the nursing moms) so as not to disturb others.

• Coffee City. Rarely would you find a cozy coffee shop in Valenzuela. I’m from the South so coffee shops are everywhere. But after I got married and transferred to this part of the North, it was the first thing I noticed. So one day passing by our normal route to church, I saw this quaint place by the gas station. I told hubby we should check it out. I suggested this place one day when our Victory Group was looking for a place to chill and do coaching at the same time—and since then it has been our usual hang out.

You might think with this I can sell anything. Truth be told, I’m bad at sales as I said, that’s why I veer away from it. But can you call this a talent?

Could it be a gift? Can I actually make something out of it and cause change in my generation?

“Let me tell you why you are here. You’re here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth. If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness? You’ve lost your usefulness and will end up in the garbage.

“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—SHINE! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”

~ Jesus {Matthew 5:13-16 The Message}

Ehhhhh! God can really knock my socks off when it comes to answering my questions.  Feeling ko para akong napagsabihan haha. How foolish of me to think I do not have anything to contribute to this world when in fact I have. I have Jesus to share! He’s more than enough change that this world needs. 

I remembered how God used ordinary men and women to change something in their generation and they did not literally have a particular platform. Take the Apostles in the New Testament for example—they changed the world like no else did just because they boldly shared Jesus Christ and what He did for us all—and they did that every chance they get.

What niche am I trying to make anyway? When Jesus chose me for His own, He has given me the grandest niche anyone could ever have!

What platform do I need? When the Lord has blessed us with a home we can open up to others; an opportunity to strengthen marriages through our personal experiences; and a calling to reach the nations for the Lord. That’s more than one platform for me to work on!

And as this blog name says…Leaving Imprints—what better imprint will I leave this lifetime and for future generations but my life and what Jesus has done for me.

So I guess I’ve been asking the wrong question all along. It’s not, “What am I good at?” but “Where do I start?”